Halloween 2020.
Saturday 31st October. We took the kids to the spooky Halloween walk through Evenley woods, all wearing zombie make up. My left hand was still aching and numb, meaning I couldn’t do my own coat zip up. And as we walked around the woods in the dark, getting colder and colder Tracey noticed that my speech was starting to slur and I kept biting my cheek.
Sunday 1st November. Still felt weird. Hand numb, speech slurring. Balance off. Phoned 111 who then told me to get to Milton Keynes hospital within the hour.
Arrived at hospital. Tracey had to leave me at A&E and simply go back home and wait for news.
I was seen quite quickly by a doctor who performed neurological checks to see if I had lost sensation or feeling anywhere else. I was then taken by the Stroke team for a CT scan which showed no evidence of a stroke.
the doctor did however say there was an “anomaly” that would need further investigation.
I was admitted to the Assessment Ward and another CT scan, this time with the dye in my bloodstream, was arranged. All of the time I’m trying not to overthink things, but the word tumour r has been mentioned I. I am als o aware that Tracey is at home worrying and I don’t want to worry her anymore than necessary without knowing facts.
so for the next few days I am kept in the Assessment Ward, having various blood tests (which all came back positive). I have an MRI scan on the brain which confirms at least 2 lesions. And I am still trying to not overthink things. Just need to deal with it as it comes.
I then have a body CT scan which reveals a “thickening of the bowel wall” and by now I have also met the oncologist, so Cancer is definitely a possibility.
on the Friday I am taken for a colonoscopy where biopsies are taken from my bowel. Which are later confirmed as cancer.
im then discharged from hospital and have to spend several days at h9me waiting to find out more. Eventually, last Thursday we have an appointment with the oncologist who confirms the cancer in the bowel has spread to the brain and that due to the number of lesions, it is inoperable. “I cannot cure you” he says very softly.
we then meet with the radiologist who confirms that radiotherapy will start soon to tackle the swell8ng in the brain tha5 is causing my physical symptoms before chemotherapy.
this week radiotherapy began and so far I have had three out of ten sessions. It is making me tired, causes a strange taste in the mouth and I’ve got a fuzzy head.
the worst thing though is the unknowin, not knowing how successful any treatment can be, not knowing wha5 to say to people when they ask me how I am. Not knowing what to say to Isaac, Noah and Imogen. Not knowing what to ask when the doctor asks me if I have any questions. Not knowing how to read their faces when doctors and nurses ask me if I have any children.
all I know is that every single message of support I have received is giving me the strength and bravery to fight this. To know that so many people care is overwhelming. One of the reasons I became a teacher is to be a positive role model for all the children I teach. If I can continue to do that through this battle then I will be happy.
apologies for all the typos, having to type one handed.
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