2021!!!!!

I knew 2021 was going to be bad but bloody hell, will we ever get a break?!

So chris went along to his pre chemo appointment last Friday. We thought He would get the picc line fitted ready for chemo to start the following Monday. 2 hours later He emerged no picc line fitted due to a mix up with them arranging someone to do it . It wasn’t fitted but blood and covid test done. Frustrated that it was going to delay treatment. Saturday comes and chris receives a message to say he’s tested positive for coronavirus. Cue the panic of a)where the hell did he pick that up

From? and b) how will he be with it? My mother In law , the kids and I managed to get a test booked that afternoon, we are all negative. So chris has no symptoms other than exhaustion (which we have been told can still be the effects of radiation). Annoyed as this is delaying treatment even further as he needs to see the isolation period through. So cancer, coronavirus, homeschooling 3 kids, couldn’t get any worse right? Wrong! Chris has become so unsteady on his feet with the tumours effecting his balance and spacial awareness he feel down the whole flight of stairs this morning. Luckily I was passing at the bottom that I was able to see him come down and brace myself to support his neck/head so it didn’t hit the hard tiled floor. I then acted as a crash mat. Had to call for my mother in law as I was pinned under chris. Bashed my ankle but other than that I’m fine. Chris is extremely shaken up and understandably frustrated and upset it has happened. I managed to get him back to bed where he is now resting.

It’s breaking my heart seeing him deteriorate so fast physically and this is effecting him mentally.

We have so much going on, trying to sort out living arrangements, trying to transfer his care to one nhs trust as there is a lack of communication as well as trying to just deal with the situation daily. The children are crying at night when they go to bed and Isaac isn’t sleeping at all.

Think we need to get the living arrangements dealt with ASAP as that is what is causing a lot of anxiety and uncertainty which the children are picking up on. They know we aren’t going to stay in this house and they don’t even have all their belongings or even their own beds here. As much as I didn’t want to I’m going to have to contact the local housing to sort out putting my name on a council list. We don’t have the finances to get that dream home we were hoping for and if he keeps going downhill we don’t have time on our side. The mountain of getting a family home seems just too great to climb.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m fighting all the time. Fighting to get the best treatment, fighting to keep him positive, fighting to try and get a home for us and Fighting against my own demons to just keep going. I’m hanging by a thread,trying to hold it all together but it feels like it could snap at any point. I’m tired of being tired.