One of the hardest things I am trying to deal with at the moment is How should I feel?
Physically I feel tired, get out of breath quickly but should I feel like that. I try and rest as much as possible, but also try and go for a walk every day to get some fresh air and exercise. My balance is affected due to the position of some of the tumours in my brain and coordination of the left side of my body is slightly out. The physical side affects are annoying. My left hand is constantly numb, unable to grip things properly. Left side of my face is also slightly numb which means that even talking requires a bit of concentration.
I had a session with a physiotherapist today who gave me exercises to do to keep the neurological pathways active. He also told me to concentrate on my breathing and that I should expect to feel fatigued.
Mentally, I still don’t really know how to feel. I am just trying to stay positive and strong which may seem like I’m not really processing it - I haven’t really “cracked” and got upset. Partly because I don’t want those around me to be upset. I hate the fact I’m causing Tracey heartache. I am dealing with things by taking it one step at a time. There are too many unknowns to spend time contemplating... too many outcomes, I just have to deal with each day.
going for radiotherspy is not nice. It doesn’t take long, but it’s just something I wish I didn’t have to go through.
The kindness friends, family, colleagues, parents of children I teach at school has truly been overwhelming and every message I get gives me the strength. Knowing that people care and that I have made some form of impact is keeping me going, so I can’t thank you all enough.
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